"Sometimes the gravity of my responsibility to pray for my children, feels like an anvil around my neck. It is a heavy burden that I feel unequipped to carry. Often times, I wonder if, because of my inconsistent prayers on their behalf, I am hindering the work of the Lord in their lives."

This was, for years, an un-verbalized and, un-solidified, thought floating around in the back of my brain. It was always obscure; never interpreted into words. It was always, nothing more than a formless idea, laden with guilt. I usually kept it tucked away, hidden in a safe place, where I wouldn't be aware of it's existence, most of the time. But, every now and then, it would surface to the forefront, reminding me once again, of my failure as a Christian mom.

I could feel those wordless thoughts trying to surface once again, this past week. I was working on a post about the responsibility we have as moms to pray for our kids. Nothing was coming out right. I could not seem to articulate a single thought into words. I was feeling beyond frustrated and ready to quit. But, I wasn’t quite ready to pack it in. I felt prompted to put into words, the haphazard thoughts trying to push their way into tangible cognition. I resisted. I didn't like thinking those thoughts. Whenever I would even begin to acknowledge them, they made me feel wretched; bad; like I was somehow allowing satan access to wreak havoc in my kids lives, because of my failure to pray consistently for them.

The thoughts began to solidify, but still I hesitated to write them down. I was loathe to admit tangibly, my failure as a parent. Yet, I was compelled to put into specific words, the recurring, painful thoughts. I hated myself for acknowledging my failure, but I conceded.

"Sometimes the gravity of my responsibility to pray for my children, feels like an anvil around my neck. It is a heavy burden that I feel unequipped to carry. Often times, I wonder if, because of my inconsistent prayers on their behalf, I am hindering the work of the Lord in their lives."

I was ashamed. Ashamed to read over the words describing my deficiency as a mom. Somehow, seeing those words written down made them seem more real. Seeing those imperceptible thoughts finally recorded into an actual verbalized statement, expanded my guilt. Perhaps I am an anvil around my kids' necks. The guilt was substantial and heavy; and very real.

But, then something powerful happened; something profound and wonderful, and humbling. I heard a gentle whisper resonate deep within my soul.

"That is a lie."

And I knew.

I knew right away, that it was indeed, a lie. Somehow, in those moments, after years of believing it was truth, the blinders had been removed from my eyes, and could see it for what it was...... a fraudulent lie.

"That is a lie, Melinda. And I do not speak lies. There is only one who speaks lies. You have been deceived."

I could actually feel a weight being lifted from me. I cannot explain to you, the relief, the freedom my soul experienced in those moments. As I said, for years, I had be plagued by guilt from this incoherent, false conviction. Again, I had never allowed myself to articulate it, but the idea of it was always there, condemning me; judging me; accusing me.

Many times, I had confessed my guilty conscience before the Lord, knowing that a heavy burden of guilt does not come from Him. And, I would find peace in that confession; for a while. Inevitably, though, that guilt would steal it's way back into my mind, bringing with it, it's false condemnation.

But, that whisper; that Truth; dispelled the untruth.

"Sometimes the gravity of my responsibility to pray for my children, feels like an anvil around my neck. It is a heavy burden that I feel unequipped to carry. Often times, I wonder if, because of my inconsistent prayers on their behalf, I am hindering the work of the Lord in their lives."

This is a lie. It is a lie, and I will no longer allow myself to believe it.

The thing is, this lie had been deeply rooted within me for a long time. And I know, even though it has been dispelled, that it will rear it's ugly head, and attempt to torment me with it's negative connotations. I know this, because it has already happened.

Honestly, I was surprised to feel it's guilty condemnation again. But, I should not have been. In fact, I should have expected it. That lie had held me in bondage for such a long time, and my precious friends, I want you know, satan loves to hold Daughters Of The King, in bondage.

I want you to know something else, as well. satan does not usually attack us with bald faced lies. he is cunning and wry, and he will worm his way into our hearts and minds, with falsehoods disguised as truth. he uses half truths; twisted versions of truth. he want's his lies to look as close to the truth as possible, so as to make you believe them.

Never would I have believed a lie that said,

"If you don't pray for your kids enough, Melinda, they might not make it to Heaven."

Never; NEVER would I have believed that kind of bald faced lie. But, my friends, that was in essence, the very concept I accepted.

Ridiculous?

Maybe.

But, maybe not.

What would it look like if I re-worded this half (un)truth.......

"Sometimes the gravity of my responsibility to pray for my children, feels like an anvil around my neck. It is a heavy burden that I feel unequipped to carry. Often times, I wonder if, because of my inconsistent prayers on their behalf, I am hindering the work of the Lord in their lives."

"I have a grave responsibility to pray for my children. It is an intimidating calling that on my own, I am unequipped to carry. But, because I am in Christ, I am equipped. God alone is responsible for my children's salvation, but the Lord hears my prayers, and they do make a difference."

These statements are both so similar in circumspection but yet, they are completely different.

The first is a lie. The second is truth.

No longer will I believe this twisted lie. No more, will I allow it to hold me captive in it's false guilt. I am removing the anvil from around my neck. I have been released from this absurd, even unholy, belief that I am somehow responsible for my kids' salvation. That burden was never mine to carry. I can't believe I ever tried.

My friends. My hope; my prayer for myself and for you, is that we will become wise to satan's twisted (un)truths. They are not always easy to detect. he is a wise, and crafty deceiver. he loves to twist our thoughts so that we become entwined in his lies that bind. he likes to hold us there; bound up in those lies; keeping us from living in the freedom that is ours in Christ.

But that is not where we belong.

Precious Daughter OF The King, you and I, were meant to walk in truth.

This post was not something I had ever intended to write. Until three days ago, I had no idea I had been bound in a twisted (un)truth. And it has made me wonder......how many of us are being held in lies that bind?

Are you?

Could I pray with you?

Precious Father. We are your daughters. We have been made in your image. Our worth is far above rubies. Our worth is so great in fact, that You gave Your very life, so that You could make us Your own. Oh Lord, You did not give Your life for us to be bound up in satan’s lies that bind. You gave your life for us, so that we could walk in freedom; so that we could walk in Truth. So Lord, I ask, would You reveal to us the lies that we have bought into? Would You reveal to us, the lies that have been binding us; the lies that have been keeping us from experiencing Your perfect freedom? Oh Lord, dispel the twisted (un)truths, that we have wrongfully accepted as truth. Replace those lies instead, with Your perfect truth, so that we, as your daughters, can walk in the freedom You died to give us.

In Jesus name we pray.

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